You were right

After this post—where I talked about how I was disappointed in myself with my “adventure” thus far—so many of you reached out to me and kindly reminded me to be patient with myself. After a really good therapy session, getting over my cold, spending quality time with my best friends, an unexpected date with a very handsome and kind man, and rerouting my trip so that I was focused on visiting people instead of places, I hit the road again.

And it’s been…. amazing.

I’ve been driving about 3-4 hours a day and have been camping mostly at Harvest Host and Boondockers Welcome spots. (The two companies have merged in a way that I don’t fully understand…) It’s been an amazing way to meet people, see some towns I never would have seen, and find a safe place to park overnight. Everyone has been so kind to George, Zuki, and me. And it’s amazing how many folks have fully fenced yards that I can park in—one in La Pine, Oregon, had a fully fenced 2.5 acres!—that the dogs can roam to their hearts’ content.

Our spot in La Pine, Oregon.

The 3-4 hour drive usually then allows for me to find a hike for me and George along the way. We’ve explored the Deschutes River, Leslie Gulch near the Owyhee Canyon in Oregon, and Hulls Gulch outside of Boise, Idaho. (I slowly got better with my application of sunscreen as time went on…)

George taking a water break on the Deschutes. (He’s very tiny, but he’s there, promise.)

My first destination was a meet up of the Sisters on the Fly chapter in Utah, to go kayaking on Mantua Lake. Sisters on the Fly is an organization of women all across the US who get together for hiking, camping, food, or whatever they like! This was my first event and I was so glad that I made it. After kayaking on the lake, we all headed back to one of the Sister’s beautiful house for a potluck and campfire. There is something magical about women who love the outdoors getting together. I was the youngest of the group, and was blown away by these women. I was so appreciative how, after I shared that I was moving on to a “second act” (or maybe third or fourth act) of my career (and life), how many of them had done the same and shared their story with me. There were no regrets among the bunch, and they were happier now than before.

Me trying not to lose my hat on Mantua Lake.

After leaving the Sisters, the plan was to make my way to Arizona to visit a childhood friend. But then I ended up in Moab, Utah, where I had only planned to spend a day, and I couldn’t leave! It’s simply too amazing and beautiful, and I decided I needed way more time here. It is also way too hot for my pacific-northwest dogs! So we found an air conditioned Airbnb to crash for a few days, so I can soak of the views (and I love the heat) and they can relax in the AC. So this is where I am.

George and I did not make it to this arch (Corona Arch), as George was way too hot. I plan to go back!

I always take for granted how easy it is to breathe, until I get a cold and my nose is stuffed up and I can’t. Then, at least for a few days, after the cold clears up, I’m grateful for being able to breathe easily.

Something similar shifted in my awareness as I drove across Utah. A sense of dread and unease that I had been carrying around in my chest for—I’m not sure how long, years?—finally lifted. A weight that I didn’t really know was there, until it wasn’t anymore. All the turmoil in my heart and mind about my career, my direction in my life, my love life, my heart, was just gone. Not because I think it’s all figured out or “fixed.” But because, at least right now, I know I’ll be okay. And I know that, right now, I am okay.

I’m grateful for this time on the road. I’m so grateful for the friends and family cheering me along the way and holding space for me when I falter. I’m grateful for the AA fellowship that checks in on me and is always so excited when I show up on Zoom in my van.

Enjoying my dinner with the whole ranch to myself.

I realize what a privilege it was to walk away from my career and life as I did (and how hard I had worked to be in a place to do so). And I’m not taking a moment of it for granted. I know this feeling won’t last forever, but I’m so very grateful it’s here now.

Tired, and hopefully happy, pups.